Unlike the RPG (role playing game) genre of video
games, ‘leveling up’ in real life does not lead to greater health, vitality,
ability to carry potions or even slay dragons for experience points. Instead,
progressing through life is the equivalent of the first thirty minutes of a Metroid
video game, in which your impressive earlier powers are quickly taken from
you – powers such as being able to independently control your bowels, recognize
grandchildren and own a full set of teeth.
In other words, growing
old is a fate that none of us particularly look forward to, though it does have
perks. The elderly enjoy free public transport, an incredible talent to suck on
mints for hours and, of course, the ability to say whatever comes out of their
mouth – even if it’s sometimes racist or is uttered without any hope of
finishing the sentence – without any societal judgment. Not to mention they can
ruffle the hair of youngsters and smile at them afterwards whenever they feel
like it.
Even if the bodies of the
elderly begin to inhibit their daily lifestyle, they know that, in general,
society no longer discriminates against the elderly, especially not after we
all cried at the beginning of Pixar’s Up.
Early in 2013, however,
Facebook were forced to admit that they had actually adopted the rules of video
game RPG and set a leveling cap on the site - nobody over the age of 99 could
register. Tell that to 104-year-old Michigan resident Marguerite Joseph, who
received an apology from Facebook for having to lie about her age to sign up.
That’s right; Facebook made a really sweet old lady upset.
Marguerite was born in
1908, four years before the Titanic sank, and is legally blind and can’t hear,
though it is unclear if that means she was lucky enough to bypass ‘My Heart
Will Go On’ from the sinking’s 1997 film adaptation. Marguerite’s
granddaughter reads and responds to all messages the elderly woman gets,
hopefully none of which are ever sexual in nature.
To their credit, Facebook
did eventually respond, with spokesman Andrew Noyes telling The Associated
Press: "We've recently discovered an issue whereby some Facebook users may
be unable to enter a birthday before 1910. We are working on a fix for this and
we apologize for the inconvenience." By the time you have read this, Andrew
will have already suffered the hair ruffling of a lifetime.
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