So imagine the scene: you’re in the hospital,
gently holding your newly born baby girl and tears are welling up. Holding her
in your hands you begin to realize how precious and delicate life really is and
you discover an instant bond with a child who you will love and cherish until
your dying days.
Or do you, eh? Maybe you
don’t even like your daughter. Maybe she’s just an annoying sobbing weakling
who you’re dying to give back to the nurse before heading home and putting your
feet up.
The fact is, none of us
out there will really know your true feelings, whether you even vaguely love
that daughter, until you've hunted down an appropriate Facebook page that you
can ‘Like’, thereby ensuring that your innermost feelings subsequently show up
in our News Feeds.
Yes, there actually is a
group on Facebook entitled ‘Like if you love your daughter’ and it’s comprised
of over 140,000 of the world’s best parents. Meanwhile, ‘’Like if you love your
son’ is the unassailable victor with over 190,000 ‘Likes’. What does this tell
us? That 330,000 Facebook people are idiots – nothing more.
Why anyone feels the need
to create such mind-bogglingly pointless groups is a mystery, yet the fact that
hundreds of thousands of people feel the need – or perhaps even the pressure –
to ‘Like’ them is the true mystery. Want to hear a few more crazy groups with
staggeringly high ‘Likes’? Just nod your head and we can continue…
48,000 people have been
suckered into clicking on ‘Join if you love your dad. Ignoring this means you
don’t’. 1,300 ‘LOVE’ their dog. 270,000
have clicked ‘LIKE If You Love Jesus’ and – drum roll, please – 1.2 million of
you lot out there joined ‘Click “like” if you love your kids!”
To put that into
perspective, the latter is a Facebook page whose population is creeping up to
match the entire population of Estonia. If that Eastern European nation ever
decided to bring back child labor, they could potentially fight and lose a war
against these good-intentioned Facebook mouth breathers.
The truth is that people
will join any group that makes them feel better about themselves, and
considering that it takes less than a second to ‘Like’ a page with its origins
in Ahmedabad, India called: ‘Like this if you think Eminem is better than
Justin Bieber’, they’ll do it.
In fact, Eminem IS better
than Justin Bieber – 86,000+ people agree and there are only 71 people in the
‘Justin Bieber is better than Eminem’ camp. In other words, these pointless
groups attract the easily amused and serve zero purpose whatsoever – unless
you’re trying to ruin a 12-year-old girl’s day and you need statistical
evidence to beat them in an argument.
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