The standard scaremongering tactic employed whenever
someone gets a tattoo is that it’ll look awful when your skin wrinkles, not to
mention the horror when your grandchildren innocently ask why you’ve got a
smiley face scrawled on your ass. Although you'd no doubt be asking yourself
how you ended up in the latter predicament in the first place should it occur.
Of course, as anyone who
has received a barbed bicep wire tattoo in the 1990s, or who has laughed at
some unfortunate soul who has to walk around with one every day, will tell you,
tattoos, like any trend, come and go. If you’re lucky, your chosen design might
be cyclical and might eventually rear its head to become a ‘retro look’ twenty
years later.
However, in the case of
tattoos or – yes, we’re serious – baby names, there is absolutely no
hope that your choice will ever be anything other than horribly outdated within
the next 12 months if you’re taking your inspiration from social networks.
Just imagine what life
must be like should you be a four-year-old walking around right now cursed with
the name ‘Bebo’, bullied on a daily basis alongside six-year-old Friendster,
who is already begging to be home schooled? Don’t laugh; an Egyptian child was
named Facebook in February 2011 at the height of the ‘Arab Spring’ protests, in
honor of the site that was thought to have been a major force for organization
among anti-government forces at the time.
‘Facebook’ pales in
comparison to an even more recent name, however. Believe it or not, back in May
2011 it was revealed that Israeli parents Lior and Vardit Adler had decided to
name their child ‘Like’. That’s right; they didn’t name their daughter after
Facebook, they got their inspiration from a button on Facebook.
"We named her Like
because it's modern and innovative," father Lior Adler explained to
Israeli newspaper Maariv at the time. "I checked that the name does
not exist elsewhere in the country, that was the main condition for me,"
he added.
Of course it doesn’t
exist anywhere else (in the world, never mind just Israel) Lior – that’s
because you’re a crazy person.
At least when you’ve
decided to resign your child to a life of cruel taunts, they can eventually
legally change their name. With tattoos, however, you’re left with expensive
laser tattoo removal, not to mention years of former acquaintances accosting
you at bars and asking if you’re that weird guy with a picture of ‘Tom from
MySpace’ tattooed on their arm.
That’s probably the
future for Auto-Tune crooner T-Pain, who proudly displayed his latest ink to
his Twitter followers in January 2011 – the message ‘You Don’t Have To ‘Like’
Me’, which he tweeted a picture of alongside the message: “I get a tatt
every time I come to Hawaii. I think this one is pretty sweet, unless
Facebook shuts down soon.”
As you’ve probably
noticed, Facebook hasn’t shut down, but what if the social network even
slightly tweaks their Facebook icon appearance? What if Facebook renames the
function? What if maybe – just maybe – a Facebook tattoo is a horrendously bad
idea?
If you’re going to get
any corporate insignia tattooed on your body, ensure its timelessness by opting
for a Coca-Cola logo, which has been going strong since 1885. Failing that, how
about the classic ‘Mom’ love heart tattoo instead? It’s simple, it’s classic
and considering that she scarred her body giving birth to you, it’s only right
that you eventually return the favor.
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